Tomorrow I will officially be a 3L, and if all goes as planned I will graduate with my J.D. next May. This means that I survived two years of law school, which I was not at all sure I could do when I applied and made the decision to go to law school. Before I began my first year, I was a total wreck. I was convinced that I was a complete fraud that did not deserve to be in law school and at any instant my acceptance would be revoked and I would have to spend the rest of my life working at McDonalds. (Hello, imposter syndrome!)
But then I got some really good advice from one of my undergrad professors who had recently left her job to go back to school. Along with telling me to write and say an affirmation to retrain my neural pathways, she said this:
I haven't kept in touch very much with this professor, but her words have been my lantern as I stumble through law school. I thought about them again today as I applied for a research assistant position -- and then just a minute ago got an email inviting me for an interview.
I had put off applying for the position even though I wanted it. Reasons why I wasn't qualified kept running through my head: surely they would want someone with more experience, or ... something. But then I remembered that advice, and also seriously, I'm in my last year of law school. Im qualified. And as my mother would remind me, what is the worst that could possibly happen? I don't get the job. That's literally the worst thing. And that worst thing is not nearly bad enough to keep my from applying. So I did. And tomorrow, on the first day of classes of my third year of law school, I have an interview for what might be a pretty cool job doing research for program that works on racial justice issues.
This small victory, and this reminder of the advice that got me in the door on my first day of law school, has me thinking of bigger things -- I have a post-grad fellowship proposal that's been collecting dust in the back of my mind. There's so many people competing for such little funding that I thought that my idea would never be good enough. But then -- if I don't believe that this is the work I am supposed to be doing, why should anyone else believe it?
I've got this. We've got this.